Why I hate Christmas

by Trendy McBlag

I hate christmas carols, and anyone who sings them. Do people really think that it is cool going from door to door, bothering people with their pathetic songs? I hate jingle bells I hate queueing in shopping markets while everybody is going for this fucking pre-armageddon/christmas consumer-thons. I hate this years', last years' and every single christmas number one. I hate Christmas television; TV is bad enough the rest of the year, why do they have to make it worse? I hate I hate the fact that it is near impossible to get a packet of fags on Christmas day. It is my divine right to smoke myself to death on Christmas day as on any other. I hate the whole notion of celebrating the birth of somebody who (if they ever existed) is responsible for more of the wars that have happened on this little planet than anyone else. I hate people who send out christmas cards, and I really hate people who give you a Christmas card in person and put this major guilt trip on you because they know fine well that they aren't going to get one in return. I hate this whole family guilt thing, you know, whose parents are you going to for dinner, etc. If the families actually liked each other, they would spend more time together instead of one miserable day a year. I hate people who tell me to stop smoking I hate waking up when it is still dark - but I can't really blame that on Christmas. I hate all these hideous christmas parties where everyone gets ridiculously drunk and aggressively tries to have a good time to prove that they are not sad fucks the rest of the year. Christmas is no excuse to gob down the throats of your fellow workmates, you wouldn't get away with it the rest of the year, so why should you now? I hate "good cheer", and "good will to all men"; what is the point in condensing it all into a one month period and then spend the other eleven months being a miserable git who hates everyone. I hate politicians at christmas: "throw the dog a bone" was never so apt. I hate Status Quo, Gary Glitter, Slade and all the other dinosours they dust off and wheel out once a year. I hate Christmas so much I can't be arsed writing any more. Just remember the suicide rate leaps up over the holiday season, so if you are feeling depressed and lonely, do what I do, go kill a caroller, it will make you feel better.


Last Updated: 11-Dec-95
©1995 Jon Bains for Obsolete